And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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