i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize