please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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