i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
