I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
