Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
