so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
