My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I currently don't understand fingers.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize