All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
