Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
