That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i think i have two assholes
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
