He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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