Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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