I murdered the dance floor call the cops
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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