Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
