Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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