I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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