got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
