you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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