Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
