Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
