i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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