i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
