when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize