So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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