i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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