I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize