Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
