i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
