So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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