we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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