She is in my trunk
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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