is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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