I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
