help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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