i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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