THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I need moral support for this bender
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
