My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
