She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I wear drunk well.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
