I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
