Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize