I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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