What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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