i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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