mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
