She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
