Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
