oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
