even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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