We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
