Im at strip club and am horny
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
