do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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