I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
