I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
