Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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