I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My breasts were aching with rage.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
