So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
