life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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