so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You took a bar mat shot.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
