Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
