nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
