idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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