I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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