The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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