there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
